


Many times he denied it and the second time he admitted

by Muutus



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Roommates, nielsung, will be adding tags later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 07:45:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16036055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muutus/pseuds/Muutus
Summary: There are many beautiful things in the world.The Sky, The stars, The vast ocean. Even the utmost small flower hiding in a corner.You cannot touch real beauty they said.But what if you can?Your own world.Beauty is subjective anyway.For the second time?For the last time.





	Many times he denied it and the second time he admitted

**Author's Note:**

> unbetaed.
> 
> we goin' angst

“Yes We will. Thank you Grandma.” Daniel says as he smiles

 

“Youth these days are brave.. you stay healthy and happy.” The old lady said

 

He believed they are a family. Because they always are, even if they’re not tied by blood. He know in his heart that they would last forever even if they grow old.

 

___________________

 

 

Jisung lies in the sofa with his feet dangling on a man’s broad shoulder. He was typing on his phone until the big man dive into his chest and squeeze his body along.

 

“Hyung, hyung, look. His voice is as angelic as his face.” A brunette said while lying on Jisung’s chest and lifting the phone to his face

 

Jisung put away his own phone as he look to Daniel’s phone. “Yeah, Yeah—he definitely is.”

 

“I can’t believe I get to see Jaehwan this coming Sunday.” Daniel said as he hides his face on Jisung’s chest and rub on it gesturing he cannot believe what was happening

 

“Yeah, Yeah.” Jisung said again as he tries to stare at the screen without frowning himself

 

“Ah, Jisung-hyung..” Daniel starts as he get up and faced his hyung within an inch apart

 

Daniel closed the gap as he rubs his own nose to Jisung and stare to his eyes for a while. Jisung did the same until the Samoyed cant contain his smile. “I love him, hyung.”

 

Jisung didn’t even flinch as he answered “I know.”

 

“Ahh I can’t wait hyung.” Daniel said as he hugged Jisung tight and squirm above the older

 

_________________________

 

Yoontoobroken: AHHHHHH fuck it! I want to die !! gET ME OUT OF HERE! IM FUCKING LEAVING

Jeojangzoned: This hyung srsly, You just forbid us from swearing yesterday and here you are cursing the innocent gc

Imnotapokemon: My poor hyung, is it that kid again?

Yoontoobroken: that kid is older than you Woojin

Imnotapokemon: Whatever

 

YesitsOng: I see youre texting while in class you two. Poor hyung, you wanna get drunk with me?

Yoontoobroken: No I don’t. I don’t trust handsome man anymore. I’m so sorry for lashing out,, but I really wanna get out of here, someone adopt me

Imnotapokemon: We’re living in dorms, Jisung-hyung. But if youre okay with the floor then

Jeojangzoned: What did he do this time?

Yoontoobroken: He’s finally meeting his crush Kim Jaehwan this Sunday,, ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY DATE, ICB GET ME OUT OF HERE

Jeojangzoned: Is it needed to tell his name to us? @Jeojangzoned you know the drill search him

YesitsOng: I know him though. He’s a famous singer downtown who sings everywhere but seen mostly in Orphanages. From rumors around, they said he’s a sort of idol trainee.

Yoontoobroken: Right? My slim chance just vanished in thin air. I cant anymoreeeee

Jeojangzoned: I’m available hyung

Imnotapokemon: Haha. No you’re not

YesitsOng: Ive got work this moment but share your misery hyung, I’ll read later. And I’ll look for a cheap apartment for you ;)

Imnotapokemon: Ahh why you gotta wink Seongwu-hyung I got caught by my prof

Yoontoobroken: Seongwu doesn’t hold your laugh for you Woojin, good luck

Yoontoobroken: Later guys, im gonna pack my things

Jeojangzoned: Eh? Youre serious hyung?

 

______________________

 

 

What was worse than being mistaken as a brother? It is your friends actually knowing the truth and saying he was not Daniel’s brother but Daniel’s parent. The worst being the brat saying theyre not like that but theyre a family. He wants to flip that nonexistent table in front of the brat.

 

Actually, maybe he, himself is the worst. Being in love with his junior after all this time. Living with him and not saying anything about his real feelings.

 

Jisung is torn being a good hyung. He kept pulling a calm and collected facade when he is with Daniel. He bet the brat didn’t know he was cursing his loud mouth everywhere when Daniel wasn’t around.

 

Right. Daniel won’t love him that way at all.

 

What he’ll love is a down to earth man with a heavenly voice like Jaehwan. Jisung got his hope up when Daniel confesses that he’s gay. He thought their relationship would level up because duh, Jisung’s also a man. And Daniel loves to physically cling to him. Jisung waited and hope in vain. In what could be a false alarm as the brat didn’t even see him that way. He even tried to show himself naked. Accidentally at first but he did it more than thrice because the brat got shocked the first time. Jisung thought Daniel’s reaction is awareness but as it repeated, Daniel didn’t even spare a glance to him and show interest to his body like how was it the first time it happened.

 

At his miserable and broken heart, the only good that came from their current arrangement is that he get to see Daniel’s body. From time to time, they shower together and play around with water as Kang choding often does. They sleep together in one bed spooning all the time. He gets to wake up in the morning and sees the face of the man he loves. He got to eat breakfast with him and watch dramas in the night time.

 

Pathetic.

 

You don’t need to tell him that because Jisung was fully aware.

 

Karma is on the way and Jisung could sense that their time together would slowly vanish. He doesn’t want to accept. His feelings have grown from the time they became roommates and he didn’t know how to get rid of it. Seongwu said he need to direct it somewhere else. He did try but its not working so the best he could do is leave before his eyes bleed from the pain of seeing Daniel affectionate with some other man.

 

Jisung is thankful to the friends he met online. Woojin, the creator of the group chat was randomly adding numbers and added him along with Jihoon and Seongwu. It turns out Jihoon lives in the same city as him while Jisung lives two city away from them. Seongwu didn’t say where he lives and they respected him for that secrecy. The latter however sent his picture over and everyone didn’t believe him until Jihoon bumped in to him in one of their visits to an entertainment company. They later knew that Seongwu was an aspiring actor who was waiting for someone to cast him out.

 

So Jisung knew that he can count on Seongwu over searching a temporary apartment away from the clueless brat. He was also avoiding Daniel these days saying he needs to be somewhere to get inspired in writing. He was planning to continue that way until Seongwu finds one for him.

 

________________________

 

“Hyung why are you absent minded nowadays? Daniel said as he let go of his spoon and used his hands to wipe the sauce near Jisung’s lips

 

And licked his fingers after “Chicken is your favorite right? Is this a mood or something?” Daniel says again beside him

 

“Just sleep deprived.” Jisung says

 

“You sleep like a log beside me though?” Daniel says as he sip on Jisung’s own iced tea

 

Jisung cursed inside his head and choked from what Daniel said. He snatched his own drink from the brunette and sip to the straw a bit rushed. He looked over to their friends in the same table thinking how to explain what the brunette said. A few more seconds however, Jisung relaxed as he saw their friends not reacting.

 

He put his drink down the table both relieved and disappointed. Right. Their friends are used to their sort of closeness, they also understand that they were just too close but not more than that.

 

More than friends and more than lovers. What do you call that? 

 

Family.

 

Yeah no shit, Jisung want to curse out loud. But of course he cant. He controls his facial expression too well that he was sure he still retains a blank face.

 

“Oh Jisung hyung, look at this video, we pranked Daehwi and he screamed running away.” A red head said

 

“What are you trying to do to your dongsaengs brat.” Jisung said as he finally let a smile slip away

 

Jisung was watching the video Sungwoon on his right side showed him until he felt arms snaking around his waist and his arms. “Doesn’t look scary at all.” Daniel said and Jisung faced him

 

“Yah, you’re—“ Jisung said and halted as he realized Daniel’s face was just an inch away. He should have known when he felt Daniel’s breath near his cheeks

 

Their nose bumped and Daniel didn’t even pull away so Jisung scooted his way out closer to Sungwoon “I-I bet you’re gonna run away from that too a-and you won’t even last ten seconds.”

 

“Right? I’ll bet you’ll scream louder too” Sungwoon said

 

“I won’t.” Daniel said as he scoffed, finally drifting his attention away from Jisung to the red head

 

“You should prank him next Sungwoon hyung.” Daehwi said after swallowing his food

 

“We’ll assist.” Jinyoung said after beside Daehwi

 

“No way, hyung help.” Daniel said and closed the gap between Jisung and himself again, his arms all over the older

 

“That sounds fun.” Jisung said as he agreed to his neighbors’ idea

 

“Hyunggggggggg.” Daniel whined and all of them laughed beside the sulking puppy

 

Ahh. Yoon Jisung can’t wait to get away.

 

_____________

 

 

Seongwu emailed him the two apartment location he found. Jisung was looking to the pictures attached that he didn’t look around as he open the door going slowly but straight to their bedroom. He was so familiar inside that he didn’t have to look anyway.

 

Jisung momentarily got shocked over Daniel who was sitting on their bed. His back hunched and his elbow above his hips as his hands clasped in between. He was about to ask the brunette until his eyes landed on his scattered clothes he packed before. Jisung lost his will to speak as he stared to seemingly enraged and hurt brunette.

 

“Hyung, are you leaving?” The brunette asked as he stood up approaching Jisung

 

“I thought you’re just going to a trip but you brought your penguin clock and all your favorite books.” Daniel said 

 

Jisung still couldn’t gather his voice to answer and helplessly stare to the brunette’s eyes.

 

“Hyung please don’t.” Daniel said as he embraced Jisung

 

Jisung smiled as his heart ached. He was weak. He didn’t want to hurt Daniel but he was more afraid of getting hurt by himself.

 

“But I need too, Daniel. You’ll get yourself lover and you should spend time with him instead. You should—“

 

“You’ll leave over that hyung? What kind of reason was that?” Daniel said a bit annoyed as he faced Jisung

 

‘Because it hurts’ or so what Jisung couldn’t say

 

“You’d be together and I’m sure you’d enjoy his company more.”

 

“Bullshit.” Daniel says

 

“Everything would change whether you like it or not Daniel.” Jisung said as he tries to explain 

 

“What kind of nonsense is that? Youre not that replaceable hyung, you’re important to me.” Daniel says as he cups Jisung’s face with both of his hands 

 

Jisung’s uncertain eyes couldn’t help but stare to Daniel’s.

 

“We’re thicker than what family is, you know that.” Daniel says and Jisung’s eyes widen from what he heard

 

“Even if we had lovers, we could still stay together hyung. Heck even until we grow old and you have your family hyung, we could stay in the same house and live together.” Daniel said

 

Jisung couldn’t help but let his tears out as he heard what Daniel said. The brunette begging him not to go hugged him tight.

 

“Right.” Jisung says as he stifle his cry.

 

Right. Daniel didn’t know Jisung was gay too. And that he was just totally friends-forever-zoned. Jisung didn’t need that. He wants to scream and say to Daniel that he actually loves him. He wants to run away. But he can’t when he saw the brunette teary eyed and unto the point of breaking down if he took any step away from where he was.

 

Jisung couldn’t let that happen. He was a fool for taking away the happiness of Daniel and hurt the person he loves the most. He was so selfish that he’ll hurt him rather than get hurt himself. Jisung realized what he could have done to Daniel as he tries to leave without any valid explanation. 

 

Maybe he could say the truth right now.

 

Or just endure it and still live with him. Jisung sobs harder as he imagined Daniel with someone else. Maybe he would be so numb from pain that he’ll throw away his own feelings after seeing Daniel happy with another person. Maybe he wouldn’t hope anymore and let his feelings dies as it get wrecked over and over.

 

Maybe he could. Jisung thought as he embraced back Daniel. Because his overflowing feelings were not dying but growing and he realized that he couldn’t actually live away from Daniel.

 

Still, maybe he could.

 

_________________

 

 

“You’re early today.” Jisung says as he smiles but Daniel didn’t say a thing and takes his time staring to his face

 

Jisung then get close to Daniel as he kissed his forehead and snuggle to him.

 

Daniel didn’t react to it other than snuggling Jisung in his arms too. His built is bigger so Jisung always ended up as the small spoon.

 

“Don’t pull that kind of thing again hyung.” Daniel says and Jisung who was still a bit fazed just replied with his hands massaging the brunette’s head

 

____________________

 

 

YesitsOng: Are you serious hyung? You’re a precious human too, you know? You don’t deserve to live like that

Imnotapokemon: I want to disagree but Seongwu-hyung is right Jisung-hyung

Yoontoobroken: I’ll try to live like that. The longest I could manage.

Jeojangzoned: What could we say to cheer you on without affecting your decision?

YesitsOng: Try to find a lover too hyung

Imnotapokemon: Yeah, so you could forget him sooner

Yoontoobroken: What? Like I’ll divert my feelings to that whoever? That whoever doesn’t deserve to be used like that

YesitsOng: Ah hyung why are you so soft, stop that

Jeojangzoned: Then don’t use him, fall for him hyung

Imnotapokemon: Ain’t that easy but there’s nothing you could lose to try hyung

Yoontoobroken: 

Jeojangzoned: your heart are battered already, you won’t lose to try and make it better

YesitsOng: Right

Jeojangzoned: You can’t die hyung. Find another lifeline. Don’t let your heart die.

Yoontoobroken: Why are you so nice today?

Jeojangzoned: Can’t help it hyung. Don’t worry we’ll be back roasting you in a few days

YesitsOng: Hey I’m always nice

Imnotapokemon: lol Seongwu hyung, you’re the one who teased Jisung hyung the most

YesitsOng: Uh no

Jeojangzoned: I kept track of it hyung

Imnotapokemon: You serious?

Jeojangzoned: Of course not

Imnotapokemon: Good. I thought Nae Sarang hoonie betrayed me

YesitsOng: Guys keep it pg, we have a broken man here

Jeojangzoned: See Seongwu-hyung youre the one always starting it

Yoontoobroken: sighs I’ll try

Imnotapokemon: Don’t try. DO IT

YesitsOng: Don’t try. DO IT (2)

Jeojangzoned: Don’t try. DO IT (3)

Yoontoobroken: later

 

________________________

 

 

“Hyung can you accompany me this Friday?” Daniel asked

 

Jisung knew why but pretended not to “Why?”

 

“Jaehwan will practice with the choir and his friend said we could watch.” 

 

“Is that so? Sorry Niel-ah, I have a deadline I need to catch up.” Jisung says looking away from his laptop

 

“But hyung, it is rest day.” Daniel said as he lean his head on the older’s shoulder and embraced Jisung who was sitting on the floor

 

Jisung patted Daniel’s head “I’m sorry Niel-ah, I’ll make it up to you next time.”

 

“Promise?” The brunette said as he lifted up his head making Jisung’s hand land on his cheek instead

 

Jisung flinched but didn’t stutter “Promise.”

 

“Okay.” Daniel said and cheerfully get up away from the working man

 

After Jisung was sure Daniel was out of their room, he slumped down the floor and roll out of frustration.

 

Sunday came by and Jisung cant help pacing around their room. The practice was supposed to finish around five but it was eight and the puppy was still not home. He halted after hearing the door clicks that he almost run to the door.

 

Daniel didn’t get anything near surprise but he was rather speechless seeing Jisung after opening the door. Jisung after realizing what he just did didn’t move on his spot too. Though it didn’t last that long before the brunette smiled and hugged him.

 

“Hyung! He know me now, Dongho introduced us!” Daniel loudly said

 

Jisung was thankful Daniel can’t see his reaction at that moment “Good for you.” he said

 

__________________

 

 

Jisung promised to the brunette so the next time Daniel asked, Jisung couldn’t break it. It was the birthday party of Dongho’s little sister and it doesn’t help that Dongho invited him too.

 

Dongho introduced both of them to his friends after arriving and Jisung finally met Jaehwan. The man was perfect and he was even funny that Jisung felt bad at the time he was annoyed at the innocent man.

 

He watched the angelic man sang a song while strumming his guitar for the birthday girl and Daniel was there sitting near Jaehwan and clapping to the beat. Jisung walked away and find a corner somewhere.

 

He ended up sitting in the piano stool and facing the said instrument. Staring at it like it would play a sad song for him.

 

“You want me to play for you?” a man said and Jisung look behind him

 

Jisung couldn’t remember the name but he was one of Dongho’s friend that was introduced to them earlier.

 

“Again, I’m Jonghyun.”

 

“O-oh. I-I’m—I’m Jisung.” Jisung said a bit flustered and scooted at the side for the newly known acquaintance to sit there and play for him

 

“What do you want?” the man asked

 

“I don’t know.. what do you think?”

 

Jonghyun smiled and say “Okay.”

 

Jonghyun started playing the intro and realized what song it is. Jisung snorted. What a choice. Jisung knew the song very well.

  
_‘I don't know you_  
_But I want you_  
_All the more for that_  
_Words fall through me_  
_And always fool me_  
_And I can't react_  
_And games that never amount_  
_To more than they're meant_  
_Will play themselves out’_

_‘Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
_We've still got time_  
_Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
_ _You've made it now’_

__

Jisung ended up crying at the chorus and the newly found friend smiled at him. Jonghyun encouraged Jisung to sing along too but Jisung didn’t and quietly stifled his cry.

 

__  
_Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
_And I can't go back_  
_Moods that take me and erase me_  
_And I'm painted black_  
_For You have suffered enough_  
_And warred with yourself_  
_It's time that you won’  
_

As Jonghyun saw Jisung in daze with his eyes on the piano, Jonghyun didn’t stop playing and instead sang loudly for Jisung.

  
_‘Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
_We've still got time_  
_Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice  
_ _You've made it now_

__

_Falling slowly, sing your melody  
I'll sing it loud_

_Oh, I played the cards too late  
Now it's gone_

__  
After playing the song, Jonghyun hugged the man beside him, soothing his sorrow with hush and whispers while his hands pat the back of the crying man. Jisung laid his head near the stranger’s neck like he could hide himself on that tiny little space, his hands clutching weakly on Jonghyun’s front shirt.

 

“I’m s-sorry.. its just—tears just came flowing—I didn’t—“

 

“It’s alright.. I don’t mind. You can cry..just cry.” Jonghyun said

 

Jisung did what Jonghyun said exactly and stays there. But not that long.

 

“Jisung hyung?” a deep voice too familiar said

 

Jisung knew who it was and look up to the direction of the voice.

 

“It’s nothing Niel-ah.” Jisung says while wiping his tears off his face

 

Daniel’s eyes widen as he saw the tears coming off from his hyung and look to the man beside him a bit wary.

 

“Hyung did he hurt you or something?” Daniel says as he walked closer to where his hyung is

 

“No ! Its not—not like that. He didn’t at all. He—“ Jisung says as he faced Daniel

 

“It’s okay. Don’t cry.” Jonghyun said as he turned Jisung’s face to him and wiped his tears with his handkerchief

 

Jisung then stopped speaking as he cling to Jonghyun’s arm while the latter is busy wiping his face.

 

“I’m.. s-sorry.” Jisung says

 

“Don’t be.” Says Jonghyun

 

“Hyung.” Daniel said but Jisung didn’t hear

 

Because Jisung was busy analyzing the stranger’s face.

 

“Jisung hyung.” This time Daniel spoke louder and firmer

 

Jisung heard him that time and the next thing he saw was Daniel grabbing his arm to stand up.

 

“Let’s go home hyung.” Daniel says 

 

Jisung stood up but tripped and luckily there where two man to catch him. He felt Daniel’s hand on his back with his other hand still on his arms. And Jonghyun’s hand on his waist. Daniel took a step back and drag Jisung along before he speak. 

 

“Let’s go home.” Daniel repeated

 

“My legs feel funny, I can’t stand up.” Jisung says and Daniel lifted him up not long after

 

They didn’t get to say goodbye to Dongho and Daniel didn’t even bother to bid farewell to Jaehwan. The brunette just carried him out of the house and ride on the first taxi he saw. They didn’t talk on the way home. Daniel didn’t ask him and he didn’t said anything either.

 

Daniel carried him all the way to the elevator till to their bedroom. The brunette dropped Jisung on the edge of the bed and kneels on his front.

 

“Are you okay hyung?” Daniel starts as he cupped Jisung’s face and traced the dried tears

 

“Yes.. Yes I am..” Jisung says as held Daniel’s hands on its place

 

Daniel stood up and came close that Jisung closed his own eyes. Daniel kissed both his right and left eye and Jisung’s heart beat faster as usual.

 

“I’ll cook something for you, just rest okay? Im sorry for dragging you to that party.”

 

“Youre not at fault Niel-ah.. that—what happened earlier is another thing really, don’t worry too much.” Jisung says while avoiding Daniel’s eyes

 

“I know you’re just tired from work hyung.. It’s okay. I’ll make your favorite.” Daniel says

 

He carried up Jisung again and put him on the center of their bed before covering his hyung with their blanket. The brunette kissed Jisung’s forehead before he smiles and vanished to the kitchen.

 

Jisung burrows himself to the bed and covered his whole body with the blanket as his heart raced rapidly. He took a deep breath and calm himself from the usual affection. He didn’t had to because it was a daily occurrence but a heart in love is another thing. He immediately forget all the pain he had when he listened to the piece Jonghyun played him. After squealing by himself, he calmed down as he remember the man. Speaking of the guy, he was so kind and gentle. And he still had his handkerchief. Jisung then pull out the handkerchief from his pocket.  
__

  


_Kim Jonghyun._

 

If Jisung remembers the name of the owner correctly. The man who had the warmest smile.

 

_________________________________________


End file.
